Mar 13, 2008

A Sense Of Loss !!!!



I get nostalgic frequently.. Some people say it is a sign of aging :-).. Last time when I visited NITC, this feeling was at its peak.. Now, the spark is something totally different..Called up home yesterday..Amma told me that our ancestral home ( 'tharavadu' - in malayalam ) is going to be demolished and built again.. That is about 50+ years old and the building is literally crumbling..75 % of the area inside the home gets drenched during rainy season as the old roofing is slowly giving up to its 'wear-and-tear'.. And it is literally not possible to stay there during monsoon time.. And if it stays like this for 3 more seasons , it may collapse itself.. So , definitely from a logical perspective it makes sense to pull it down and build it again...

But even after all logical explanations, I dont know how to express the kind of emptiness that I feel when I hear that it is being demolished.. This place used to be the gathering point of a very large family...During my schooling , I used to frequent to this place on every vacation...Cousins and relatives spread throughout India, and some abroad used to come to this home during their vacations.... It used to be a sort of magnet if I can term it that way.. That place wont be the same again... Today I tried explaining the reasons to a cousin.. Though she expressed the very same kind of emptiness, I sort of tried to put up a logical perspective...I'd say, after a long time, I tried not to be true to myself in a conversation for some reason or other..

Whatever..

Change...The constant denominator of Life ..Sigh!!!
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It takes some courage to smile after tragedies..And people who do that are
really great.. A great tribute to a mother from a daughter .
I somehow admire this character.
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Ajith

9 comments:

Serendipity said...

In some matters, the heart and the mind say two different things... And when it comes to the places we associate with sweet memories then it definitely does.

Flyaway Mind said...

hmmm..can truly relate to those feelings..my ancestral house is still there, but almost in an abandoned state..and the big stretch of coutyard left unattended..after most of my cousins got married, we dont have any more gettogethers for onam & vishu...

Deepak said...

I remember I always wanted to buy back our ancestral property, which was sold because there was no one to look after that.

One thing is for sure. Nostalgia is not a sign of aging. It is the sign of youth which is still inside you.

Rinchen said...

I go to my ancestral house once in a blue moon and still find it strange to see new people there. New people as in babies grown up and in the meanwhile the old, original inhabitants dead & forgotten.

All makes me more sad and very nostalgic.

Ajith said...

@serendipity -- True.And we end up more confused :)

@flyaway mind -- Yep..all these onam, vishu gatherings used to be very funny..That collective feeling is in a way going away.

@deepak -- Thanks for that comment on aging :) And I indeed treasure that 'youthful' feeling :)

@rinchen -- Time. It never stops :)

Dhanya said...

That's sad.. I can sense ur emptiness.. Think most of the ancestral homes face the same threat.. Mine was also demolished some years back after my grand mom passed away as there was no one to take care of that ..:(

Anurag said...

yup...change is a constant denominator of life :o)

Ajith said...

@dhanya -- Yes..Most places go through this kind of a reconstruction after the grand parents' time..

@anurag -- hehe :) Nothing else is constant :)

John said...

Hi all,

i can really relate to your comments about nostalgia. I'm a UK guy, married and living in the house that I brought my childern up in. We have altered it about so much that the space that the children played in has gone really and it kind of makes me sad to see that. I would love to turn the clock back even five years - wouldn't we all

Stew